Innocence Lost
by xxCharmspeakerxx
Summary: "Phil –no!" Dan said as Phil started making the motion of cutting his wrist. Dan held Phil's hand away from his clean wrist but struggled to keep it away from his skin. "Phil! Wake up!" Dan was now crying and pleading for Phil to wake up from his terrible nightmare. It took Dan all of his strength to try and keep Phil down on the bed but found it harder than he expected. "Is that..
1. Why Did You Do This To Yourself?

_Hey my name is Macy I'm xxCharmspeakerxx's friend and since she doesn't use this site anymore she's allowed me to use it so drop a review and I hope you like my story that I've written. I don't own any characters in the story by the way. Love you!_

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Chapter One: Why Did You Do This To Yourself?

Dan lay in his warm bed, waking up to yet another morning with his best friend/flatmate with another day telling stories about his past embarrassing moments. Dan smiled and stretched his arms as he sat up in his bed.

"It's today for another video!" He said to himself as he left his room and walked to the kitchen. Dan poured himself a bowl of cereal and decided to check Tumblr for about an hour. As he checked his Tumblr, he noticed that Phil hadn't been up yet and normally Phil is the one telling Dan to wake up because he has a video to record or edit.

Later that day, when Dan was editing after filming for two hours for his new video, he still noticed that Phil hadn't come out of his room yet. Dan kept his eyes on Phil's room, waiting for him to open the door and smile at Dan while making cat noises.

Ten minutes went by when Dan decided to go check up on Phil. He opened Phil's door without knocking thinking about if Phil was still asleep, then Dan would wake him up. As quietly as Dan could, he closed the door and looked at Phil who was still sleeping on his bed. Dan smiled at Phil; he looked so cute curled up in a small ball while holding a razor in his hand –Wait, what?!

Dan tiptoed closer to Phil and opened his hand to see that there were three razors in his hand. Dan's eyes went wide with horror and confusion. Why would Phil have razors in his hands? What's going through his mind? Maybe he's doing a video about how people shouldn't cut! That must be it.

"I'm . . . Sorry, Daniel." Phil said as he rolled over so his back was facing Dan. Tears started streaming down Phil's eyes as he rolled over facing Dan again. "Please, I didn't mean to be this way!"

"Phil . . . Phil, wake up." Dan said lightly shaking him. "Phil, you're scaring me. Wake up."

Phil started to turn over to the other side over and over and over again, crying his eyes out and telling Dan that he was sorry and that he couldn't help it. Dan tried his hardest to wake Phil up as fast as he could but knowing Phil, he's a deep sleeper. It got to the point that Dan had to yell at Phil while Phil was screaming for Dan to forgive him and pleading for his forgiveness and that it's not his choice to be the way he is.

"Phil –no!" Dan said as Phil started making the motion of cutting his wrist. Dan held Phil's hand away from his clean wrist but struggled to keep it away from his skin. "Phil! Wake up!" Dan was now crying and pleading for Phil to wake up from his terrible nightmare. It took Dan all of his strength to try and keep Phil down on the bed but found it harder than he expected. "Is that . . . A bone?"

Suddenly Phil stopped moving and stayed still for a minute. Phil took a deep breath and started to calmly breathe in and out at an even pace like he was when Dan came into his room. Dan shook Phil lightly again hoping that Phil would finally wake up.

Phil's eyes fluttered as he was forced to wake up from his terrible dream. He yawned and looked over to see Dan balling his eyes out with tears. "What happened?" Phil asked. Dan quickly grabbed onto Phil's jumper and ripped it off along with his shirt. Phil tried to cover himself with his quilt but Dan already knew what he saw.

"How long? How long Phil?" Dan demanded. "How long has this been going on?"

"I-I don't know!" Phil lied. Phil curled back into a ball and silently cried hiding his body from Dan, the one he had to fall in love with. "I don't know just leave me alone!"

Dan stood up and threw the razors in the bin and went back into Phil's room. Phil was still curled up in a ball but had moved closer to the edge of the bed. Dan took his shoes off and climbed under the covers of Phil's bed. Phil clamped his eyes shut as he felt Dan's arms wrap around his very small waist. Dan pulled Phil closer to his body and kissed his cheek with a quick peck.

"Please speak to me, Phil." Dan said laying his head down on Phil's pillow. He rested his forehead on Phil's back and let the warmth of his body go into his skin and warm up his brain with Phil's body heat that he was currently giving him. "Phillip, please tell me when it went to shit for you."

Phil sighed. "If actions speak louder than words, I'm the most deafening noise you've heard. I'll be that ringing in your ears, that will stick around for years." Phil quoted from the song Tide by Touché Amore. Phil turned his body over and placed his head underneath Dan's chin. Their body was fitted together perfectly like it was meant to be together. "I did stuff and I got the consequences out of it. That's that." Dan felt the tears falling from Phil's chin onto the pillow as he whispered the lyrics of the song that he quoted from to himself. "I have to tell you something but please don't run away or hate me afterwards." Dan nodded and waited for Phil to say what he had to say. "Dan, one of the reasons why I did this to myself is because . . ." Phil paused and took a deep breath. ". . . When I was younger and when I say younger I mean about two weeks ago or earlier than that, I'm a target for people who like to bully other people. I don't know why they do it but it only happens when I'm in collage and sometimes after and during my classes. I think I know a reason why they bully me but I can't say."

"Who are these people?" Dan demanded in a soft voice. "Why didn't you tell me before? I can help you!"

"Because then you'd find out a reason why they're bullying me!" Phil burst out in tears again and hid his face in Dan's chest. Dan and Phil stayed in each other's arms for the rest of the day. Whenever one of them was thirsty or it was time to eat they wouldn't leave each other's side. When it was dinner time, Dan held on Phil's hand while he cooked tacos. When Dan needed both of his hands for chopping up the vegetables, he would grab both of Phil hands and wrap them around his waist and Phil would rest his head in between Dan's shoulder blades.

Phil didn't eat that much that night. His body isn't too bad but you could see his bones and he looked so fragile but it wasn't like there was only bones, you could see some of the fat that Dan has put on him and that made them both happy.

"Dan," Phil said after just eating one taco. "I can't eat anymore. I'm sorry."

Phil felt so guilty for not being able to eat anymore of the meal that Dan had decided to cook for him. Dan did so much for Phil and he was so close to him that day. Phil loved every minute of the time when Dan held him and listened to his problems as he spoke about his body but he didn't tell him about the scars on his hips and underneath his feet.

That night, Phil slept with Dan in his room. They both were so at peace and never wanted this peace to end but Phil had lessons tomorrow, and God, he was not ready to face them.

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_Love You! __xxCharmspeakerxx_


	2. Collage

_Hey my name is Macy I'm xxCharmspeakerxx's friend and since she doesn't use this site anymore she's allowed me to use it so drop a review and I hope you like my story that I've written. I don't own any characters in the story by the way. Love you!_

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Chapter Two: Collage

Dan watched Phil from a distance as he quickly walked to his class at his University. There was a group of boys and a couple of girls standing outside the main entrance of the University when Phil tried to walk inside.

"Where are you going?" A guy with tanned skin, dark blue jeans, a tank top and sun glasses on the top of his bald head asked blocking the way so that Phil couldn't get inside. "Lesson doesn't start until nine thirty. You're early, Philly."

Phil kept playing with the helm of Dan's jumper. His head was down and he tried covering his face with his hair but it wasn't long enough to hide the fact that he was close to tears. "I just want to get to my class, Mark." Phil replied in a small voice.

"Where were you yesterday?" A girl in very short shorts like there was no material covering her vagina people really need to cover themselves nowadays, a mid-drift, flip flops and natural make-up said. "Did you finally turn normal or are you still a screw up?"

"I am normal!" Phil said in his defence. The guys in the group suddenly straightened and seized Phil making him look small. Dan was about to run out to rescue his best friend when two guys came up to the group. One of the guys took Phil's hand while the other one glared at the group. Once the guy who took Phil away and Phil were nowhere to been seen, the guy who was glaring at the group of immature bastards left them with a smile.

After about two hours later, Dan found Phil behind the building of the University. Phil was just sitting on the cold ground on his phone and eating his lunch in peace. Dan wanted to go over and sit with him, but he promised himself that he wouldn't go and help him unless it's needed like if Phil had a sudden melt down in the middle of the corridor.

Phil closed his laptop and opened his bag. He searched for a book and a pen, pencil, whiteout and an eraser. Dan watched carefully as Phil moved his wrist while using the pencil and a couple of times he erased something or maybe an idiotic mistake. Once he had finished with his pencil, his fingers touched the pen and he started writing in the book with a really adorable smile upon his face. Dan imagined what it would be like if he and Phil were together like together _together_. Dan was so caught up in his own world oh Plan that he didn't notice that the group of people who were at the entrance this morning were back and picking on Phil again. Phil held the book close to his chest as the people pushed him around, made him stand up then pushed him back onto the floor. One of the girls grasped the book that Phil had been holding with his life and started going through the pages. Phil tried getting his book back but two of the guys had their hands gripped around his wrists and decided to be assholes and squeeze making Phil scream out in pain.

That's when Dan started walking towards them like he wanted to be a part of the group. Dan lifted his hoody over his head and hid his clenched hands in his pockets. The girl who had the diary hid it underneath her shirt and flashed a very bright smile at Dan.

"You bullying him?" Dan asked in a very posh and thugs like voice. "Can I read out the book that you took from him?"

"Actually I'm reading the diary thank you very much." The girl said. Dan looked at Phil and winked at him hoping that he'd know what he was currently and going to do to these bullies. Phil shook his head and dropped it like he had no chance of escape. The girl cleared her throat and started reading the book in her head. "Oh my God," She said after a few seconds went by. "Let go of him! He's a faggot!"

One of the guys let go of Phil but the other two didn't move a budge. "Is that true? Are you a faggot?"

"So what if he's gay?" Dan said holding his hands up. "What's the big deal anyway? Are you guys homophobic?"

"Faggots are disgusting!" The girl who read out of the diary said. She was still looking through Phil's diary as she spoke to him. "And Phil has a crush on this Dan boy, awwww, how gross!"

"You guys are assholes." Dan said. The group looked at Dan and forgot about Phil and his diary. The two guys let go of Phil and the girl let go of his diary. "It's people like you should be locked away for the rest of their life."

"You suddenly the lord of gays?" One of them asked. "Gaylord, ha!"

"Why did your family caravan break down?" Dan asked pointing at the group. "Did your car collapse when your mother sat on the seat? Did your brother play gay chicken with your best friend?"

"How did you know that?" The girl asked her eyes widened with fear.

"Because he's gay too, you bitch." Dan pushed three guys who were blocking his way. Dan grabbed onto Phil's hand and helped him get to his feet. "C'mon, let's go home." Once Phil was standing on his feet, Dan wrapped his arm around his waist tightly and close to his side.

Later that night as Dan and Phil were watching a movie after they had their dinner, they both felt like they were in complete peace with the world. Dan was lying on his back on his couch while Phil was lying on his stomach on top of Dan holding his hands around his waist very tightly. Phil felt relaxed as he rested his head on Dan's chest and felt his heart beating at a quick but even pace. Dan felt his heart racing when Phil decided to lay on his instead of sitting on the chair that he normally sits on.

"Dan," Phil said yawning. "I'm tired; I'm going to go to bed."

Dan turned off the TV and saw that Phil was practically asleep on his body. Phil lifted his body from Dan's and felt the cold air rushing to his body as he walked to his room. At the same time, Dan and Phil changed into their pyjamas, brushed their teeth and cleaned their faces with soap and water. Dan sat outside of Phil's bedroom door until he saw that his light was off. When there was no light coming from Phil's room, Dan quietly opened Phil's door and tiptoed to his bed. Phil smiled as he felt Dan's strong arms wrap around his waist and pulled his body closer to his body. Phil smiled even more when his back hit Dan's shirtless chest and regretted wearing a shirt.

"Dan," Phil whispered. "Do you like . . . Boys in the way that I do?"

"Will you go on a date with me tomorrow?" Dan asked holding him even tighter but not so tightly that he'd break Phil's bones. "Please, I'll be a good boy!"

Phil smiled and shifted his body to face Dan. Dan moved his body so that he was laying on his back and not his side anymore. Phil moved his head onto Dan's chest and gave him a small peck on his chest.

"I'd love to."

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_Love You! __xxCharmspeakerxx_


	3. I'm So Sorry About This

_Hey my name is Macy I'm xxCharmspeakerxx's friend and since she doesn't use this site anymore she's allowed me to use it so drop a review and I hope you like my story that I've written. I don't own any characters in the story by the way. Love you!_

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Heyyyy guys! Sorry I haven't been able to post a new chapter I've been really busy lately and my internet connection has been horrible to me lately. A new chapter may or may not be up tonight but hopefully my internet likes me and allows me to post this A/N! Oh yeah!

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_Love You! __xxCharmspeakerxx_


	4. The Date

_Hey my name is Macy I'm xxCharmspeakerxx's friend and since she doesn't use this site anymore she's allowed me to use it so drop a review and I hope you like my story that I've written. I don't own any characters in the story by the way. Love you!_

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Chapter Three: The Date

Phil straightened his hair on his bed getting ready for the movie date that Dan was taking him too. They were going to see a surprise movie that Dan has chosen and decided not to tell Phil anything about it. The only way Phil knew that they were going to go see a movie was because when Dan was looking up the movie times he used Phil's laptop and not his own.

Phil smiled and changed into his dark jean, Gangar (Sorry if I've spelt that wrong) shirt, space jacket and converses. Music played through his mind as he thought about what movie they were going to see. He kind of hoped that it's going to be Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters even though it got bad ratings; he still wanted to know what happened to Percy, Grover and Annabeth.

Out of the blue, someone knocked at the door about six times. _Were we waiting for someone?_ Phil thought to himself.

"Dan, can you please get that?" Phil asked. When Dan didn't answer Phil started to wonder around the house. "Dan?" Phil shook his head and opened the door to see Dan leaning on the door frame wearing his black with a misty white circle shirt, dark blue skinny jeans and his hair was straightened.

"Hello there, I'm Dan and I believe I'm taking you out on a date tonight." Dan said walking into the apartment with his hands in his pockets. He checked out the apartment and nodded with improvement. "You have a flatmate?"

"Yeah, he's a real treat." Phil said smirking. "Shall we go, Dan?"

Dan smiled and took Phil's hand in his. "We shall go."

When they arrived at the cinemas, Dan went and brought two tickets for the movie that they were going to watch and left Phil in charge of getting drinks, popcorn and telling girls who flirted with him that he was out on a date and wasn't interested.

"A median popcorn and two frozen cokes." Phil ordered.

"Hey, you're Phil, right?" A girl with brown ringlets and blue eyes said. She was wearing the shortest black dress Phil has ever seen in his life and black fur wedged boots. "Remember me? We went out in high school all the way through year twelve minus starting two weeks before the end of the year but whatever!"

"Umm . . ." Phil said. He picked up the frozen drinks and popcorn. "Sorry but I think you've mistaken me for the wrong Phil."

Phil set the drinks and the popcorn on a table and waited for Dan. He just wanted to see Dan but the girl who kept batting her eyes at him wouldn't leave him alone.

"No I know faces when I see them." Phil noticed her hands pulling her dress down making her breast more visible to him but lucky for him, he didn't really mind breasts but he preferred Dan's chests. Phil just wanted the girl to leave and to hold Dan's hand and cuddle with him. "You remember my name, right?"

"Um . . . No, sorry." Phil answered looking at the ticket queue to see Dan paying for the tickets. Wow, this takes forever Phil thought resting his head in the palm of his hand. "Sorry but can you please leave I'm kind of waiting for someone."

"Are you here with family or a friend?" She asked patting his thigh. "Or is it a date?" Her fingers roamed around his knee until he pushed her hand off him. Phil quickly reached for his phone and sent a quick text to Dan. (Phil is _Italic_ and Dan is **Bold**)

_SOS CREPPY GIRL WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!_

**Haha. I'm coming now. I saw her before checking you out. She needs a longer dress XD**

_She does! Where are you?_

**I'm coming now. Just got the tickets. The lady had a problem with the machine thingy.**

Phil smiled and replaced his phone in his pocket. He smiled and played with the helm of his shirt as he thought about Dan holding him in the cinemas while 'watching' the movie. The girl sighed and grabbed Phil's jaw and made him look at her.

"Okay this is how it's going to go now," She threatened. "I'm going to kiss you and you're going to enjoy it and you're also going to tell your girlfriend that you don't want her anymore, okay?"

"Hello and what the hell are you doing to my boyfriend?" Dan said glaring at girl who had already puckered her lips to crash onto Phil's forced puckered lips. "Yeah I think you should let him go now."

The girl finally let go of Phil's lips, stood up and placed her hands on her hips. "Who do you think you are?" She asked in a sassy tone.

"Just someone who you don't want to get pissed off." Dan replied crossing his arms over his chest. "By the way you can't work off that dress."

"Why do you think that you can tell me what I can and cannot do with my boyfriend?"

"Because . . ." Dan walked around the girl and placed his hands on Phil. ". . . He's my date now if you don't mind we have a movie that we're gonna to watch. Bye!" Phil quickly left the chair and followed Dan to the cinema. "Sorry about the wait I didn't know you had a stalker."

"She said that she was my girlfriend in high school which is weird because I didn't date any girls in high school."

"Well, it's not a normal night without drama for us." Dan said. He smiled at Phil and wrapped his arm around his shoulder guiding him to the cinema that they had to go in.

To Dan's disappointment, Phil enjoyed the film that he chosen. Dan thought that if he chose a horror movie –insidious– Phil would be scared and be cradled in his arms for the whole time but Phil just jumped and laughed at all of the scary bits that popped out in the movie.

"That was fun." Phil said jumping up and down like a hyper child. "Can we buy that on DVD and watch it again? Or maybe come back and watch it in the cinemas again?"

"Uhh," Dan said wrapping his arm around Phil's tiny waist. "Let's see what happens in the future." _Oh boy, we're going to buy this movie in the future._

Phil smiled at Dan when he suddenly felt a something sliding in his pocket. "Call me." The girl who was with Phil beforehand said winking at him. Dan tightened his grip around Phil's waist as he reached for the piece of paper out of his pocket. _Hey sexy, call me. Emily XX_ and the number was written underneath her message.

"Hey, Emily." Phil got his phone out and as she turned around he put it back in his pocket pretending that he punched her number in his phone. He held the piece of paper out to her. "If I have your number in my phone why do I need this piece of paper?"

"Keep it just in case." Emily said. She turned around and walked away swinging her hips at a fast paste. Phil looked so confused and replaced the piece of paper back in his pocket.

"Are you seriously keeping her number?" Dan spoke up.

"Dan, if she ends up seeing us again and starts harassing us then we can give her number to the police." Phil placed his hands on Dan's shoulders and pulled him closer. "Let's go home and cuddle again."

Phil took Dan's hand and led him out to the car. "By the way we're stopping in at McDonalds." Dan said as they both clicked their seatbelts in.

"Why?"

"Because you're still bones and I ate all of the popcorn during that movie."

That night, after Phil ate his small cheese burger they both decided to just cuddle in bed. Dan was basically asleep by the time his head hit the pillow while Phil was still wide awake. It wasn't the movie, no, he loved that movie but it was the girl that kept bothering him today. He left Dan's grasp and tiptoed into his bedroom trying not to make a single sound.

"Where are you?" Phil whispered to himself as he tried to find the object that he needed. The girl knew him in some way and he was pretty sure that she was going to try to break him and Dan up at all costs. "Ah, here you are."

Phil picked up the small razor that he always left in his Dalek figure. He frowned at the small sharp object and thought about how much damage it could do to the victim and the victim's friends and family.

Phil pulled his pants down and stopped at his knees. He looked at his hip and saw nothing but beautiful and deep, disgusting scars everywhere on his skin. Phil placed the edge of the razor on his skin and started to break his skin. He didn't go as deep as he normally would go but that's because he felt the pleasure when the pain left his body when going deep and he'd make noises of relief that the pain that he's holding in is finally realised but it's always back in the next hour or so.

The next cut was deeper and deeper and deeper into his skin. He felt so relived from the pain that he was carrying for the whole week and finally, it's gone.

"Phil?"

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_Love You! __xxCharmspeakerxx_


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